meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize