dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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