What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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