I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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