His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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