I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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