i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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