i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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