did you get engaged???
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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