My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize