What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize