There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize