Little spoons don't ask big questions
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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