I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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