The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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