I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize