there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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