He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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