I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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