I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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