why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize