I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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