If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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