Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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