it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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