I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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