Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize