yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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