and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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