he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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