new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
smell my finger.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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