between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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