i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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