He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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