remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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