God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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