ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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