haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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