Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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