Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize