No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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