Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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