absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
jump out the window naked night went bad
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