Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize