How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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