you guys were way drunker than both of me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize