question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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