There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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