There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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