remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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